fox & wren's nursery

Even before I got pregnant, even before I started trying to get pregnant, I knew a few things about this room. I knew I wanted it to feel like an extension of my home, and not just "the baby room with a bunch of baby stuff in it." I knew I wanted it to be gender-neutral in color, and I wanted to fill it with things that my husband and I love that our babies will (hopefully) one day love too. I love being in this room. Even when I'm attempting to soothe a fussy baby at three in the morning (sometimes both at once) in a twin mom fog of sleep deprivation, this room reminds me how far I've come and how lucky I am to have not just one perfect healthy baby, but two.

Hazel's crib is on the left, and Vincent's is on the right. I feel grateful that the twins have been sleeping in their cribs every night since day one. The master bedroom just isn't big enough for a double bassinet thing, and co-sleeping with twins is pretty much not a good idea. But they sleep in their cribs like a champ (when they're not grumpy or doing ninja moves to break free of their swaddles).

I couldn't let that awesome banner from my baby shower go to waste, so it has a new home in their room! The framed print of Dracula and Lizard Guy playing with the Wolf Man used to be in my living room, but now it gets to hang out with the twins' little book collection.

Books, cameras, and hockey sticks. This is what you call "parents not-so-subtly exposing their children to their own hobbies and hoping they pick it up at some point." Only time will tell.

Real talk: The surface of this dresser doesn't actually look this uncluttered on a day to day basis. What you don't see are the diaper wipes, the diaper rash cream, the sound machine/nightlight, and various burp cloths and/or washcloths. Babies, man. They need so much stuff.

I'm actually quite proud of myself for not caving in and buying every single adorable pair of baby shoes I saw while I was pregnant, cause man, there are a LOT. These are the only ones I bought, and yes, we all know newborns don't technically need size 0 shoes, but they're freaking cute and they belong on my children's feet, and you can't stop me.

It's taken me nearly half a day to write and edit this post, but I consider that a win. #TwinMomProblems

:)

way overdue update // my twin babes are here!

Oh man. Was my last blog post really on the baby shower?? Has it been that long? Yes, yes it has. I am alive and well, and so are my twin babies. I am a mom, and they are my children, and it still feels surreal sometimes.

So much has happened since that last post. Shortly after that baby shower, my husband and I found out we had to move out of our rental due to the landlord selling. Like ASAP. At nearly 30 weeks pregnant. With the nursery already painted and baby furniture nearly put together. I promptly entered a state of Third-Trimester-Pregnant-With-Twins-DEFCON-5-Panic-Mode. But we survived. We quickly found a new place to live, and my dear, dear husband got us moved in while doing most of the physical labor (I could barely walk more than five minutes in my hugely pregnant state, which made me feel even more terrible and stressed about the move). He even painted the twins' room in the new place. He is a saint. Lots of friends also helped with the packing and moving. They are also saints.

The resident cat and her version of "helping to pack."

Even after moving in our new place, I was kind of a wreck. That nesting instinct you read about in all the pregnancy books? It is real, and for me, it was amplified by the fact that we had an entire house to unpack and set up. I drove my husband crazy with wanting every picture hung up, every book put away, and I washed every piece of baby clothing I had. All while I was having more and more trouble being mobile. Both my legs were painfully swollen. I felt like my back was trying to kill me. I was still having to sleep sitting up, which is pretty much the best way to get the shittiest sleep of your life.

But we did it. Short of having a hospital bag packed, we were mostly ready. The plan was to make it to 37 weeks, which is considered full term for twin pregnancies. We even made a tentative induction date for 37 weeks 2 days, assuming I didn't go into labor on my own. I remember thinking it was kinda cool that we were getting to essentially pick our kids' birthday.

Here's the last photo of my pregnant state before my life changed forever. My husband and I were going to a friend's housewarming party, and since I was dressed and showered and out in public with a giant watermelon under my dress (I barely went out those last few weeks), I made him take this photo to document it.

These Target sandals were the only shoes I could wear for the last two months. Huzzah elephant feet!

I won't go into a detailed birth story now (although I may in a future post), but long story short: At 35 weeks and two days, I went in for a routine OB appointment which turned into me being induced just hours later due to signs of preeclampsia. Since Baby A was still head down and not breech, the plan was to deliver both babies vaginally. More hours later, it was decided I needed to deliver them by C-section due to excessive vaginal bleeding. When it comes to twin pregnancies, things are even more high risk, so preeclampsia + bleeding = we need to get those babies out sooner rather than later. My doctor and nurses were wonderful. And I really, really love epidurals.

And then my babies came into this world on October 2nd, 2015, at 4:00 and 4:01 a.m. respectively. Hazel Wren was 4 pounds 10 ounces and 18.5 inches long, and Vincent Fox was 5 pounds, 1.5 ounces and 20 inches long. Here's our first family photo!

I was soo loopy on pain meds, but I love this photo. Look how tiny they were!

Hazel was in the NICU for two days, and Vincent was there for nine days. He had a few apnea events that necessitated  him staying longer, and even though nine days is nothing compared to what a lot of other NICU babies have to go through, it was still really hard to be discharged from the hospital with just one baby. But we visited him every day, and then finally brought him home. Then things got really real.

Holy crap holy crap we're responsible for two humans!

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when they were four weeks old, and I took the first of what will be a monthly photo series. These babies are seriously growing and changing every single day, and thank god for smartphones, because my husband and I are constantly snapping photos and videos of these two munchkins. Like Hazel's scarily accurate Robert DeNiro impression, or Vincent trying to latch onto his dad's chest looking for boob food.

So yep. Lots more to share and tell, but I'll save that for another post. Right now, we're happy but tired. So very tired. I'll end with this quote I recently found: 

"Every night before I get my one hour of sleep, I have the same thought: 'Well that's a wrap on another day of acting like I know what I'm doing.' I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not. Most of the time, I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. I call these times being awake."

- Jim Gaffigan