fox & wren // three months

The babes turned three months old at the beginning of the month, and holy cherries on a stick, weren't they just in my body a few months ago kicking my ribs and making me waddle?? The transition from newborn-who-sleeps-all-day to writhing-cooing-loinfruit is so fun to watch and experience. Their individual personalities are really coming out, and they're waay more interested in their surroundings. Like the ceiling fan. They're obsessed with the ceiling fan.

Vincent is still my impressive little eater. You'd think we were starving him though, by the sounds of his tortured cries when he's hungry. This man does NOT like waiting for his bottle to be made. He wants his food, and he wants it NOW. But he's starting to smile more, which makes my whole day better. And he's reaching out and trying to grab things, which makes it fun to pretend he's a tiny drunk man who can't grip a toy that's two inches in front of his face.

Hazel is a morning person. She starts cooing and smiling as soon as I un-swaddle her in the mornings, and it's freaking adorable. She's not really trying to grab things yet, but she'll stare down a toy something fierce, studying it, plotting things in her three month old brain. My little observer.

They've just barely started noticing each other too, which is awesome. Not interacting yet, cause that's way too early, but definitely noticing. For instance, I'll have Hazel on my lap and playing with her, while my husband has Vince on his lap, and he'll just look over and study her intently,  as if to say, "Who's that small squirming thing? She looks like someone I used to kick occasionally back when I lived in that warm bag of water. Hope she's cool."

bits of california on 35mm

I shot these on a trip to Salvation Mountain and Palm Springs a few years ago. Expired film in my Minolta x-370. I don't shoot with film much lately, but I'm trying to remedy that. I've been shooting with my dad's Canon A-1 for a new photo project this year. It's supposed to be a daily photo thing, but these twin babes are keeping me busy to the point where I've been forgetting here and there. But even if I can do a couple photos a week, that's fine by me. I have so many rolls of new and expired film laying around the house, so I want to put them to good use this year :)

dear vincent

Dear Vincent,

It's amazing that the first photo I have of you is a microscopic image of an embryo. A clump of five cells that kept growing, and growing. And when you were born 40 seconds after Hazel, you were all spindly arms and legs. I was scared and anxious when you had to stay in the NICU longer than your sister, and on the day we brought you home, I was relieved, but terrified. Could I really do this?

My baby boy. You look so much like your daddy. He thinks you might end up with red hair, which runs in his family. I'm not so sure, but you are perfect in every way.

You're so curious, so strong. You started lifting your head when it seemed way too early for you to do so, and you eat with an eagerness that I know all too well from living with your dad. I know the ticklish spots on your chest, and I know your different cries.

I love watching you play on the floor mat. I love it when you recognize my face and smile. I don't love that you've quickly outgrown your newborn and three month-sized clothing, but that's okay. You're sprouting before my very eyes, and I'm trying to relish it all while I can.

I can't wait to see the person you'll become. I hope that I can show you how to be brave, be honest, and to crave adventure.

You are my adventure. I will always love you.

dear hazel

Dear Hazel,

 When the doctors pulled you out of my body, you cried louder than I expected, and I wept. You weighed four pounds and 10 ounces. That number sounded impossibly small. You spent only two days in the NICU, my strong little girl. You were ready to come home, ready for the world.

We kept you bundled and swaddled nearly all the time, afraid you would get too cold. You slept and you ate, and we held you and rocked you, hoping we were doing things right, simultaneously scared and thrilled that we were finally parents. Your parents.

I love that I can see bits of your grandparents in your face. I love your tiny feet. I love how you always stretch your arms above your head when you wake up.

You have your dad completely smitten for you. He called you his Hazel-bug the first day we brought you home, and he hasn't stopped since. He plays guitar for you, and he wants to read everything to you, from Calvin & Hobbes to Lord of the Rings.

I love watching you grow. The first time I got you to smile at me, I melted. I can't wait to witness your first wobbly steps, and the faces you're bound to make when you try new foods.

You won't stay little forever, and that's okay. You will grow into a beautiful human being with your own hopes and dreams. But I will always be your mother.

I will always love you.

an ode to east coast fog

I haven't lived on the east coast since 2008. From the time I was in 8th grade until five years into my marriage, I lived in Virginia. And it wasn't until I moved away from Virginia and across the Atlantic Ocean to Spain that I really started to miss what I never really appreciated before. The trees. The change of seasons. Leaves the color of fire. And not just in Virginia -- Pennsylvania too, where my husband's family lives, and where we visited often.

I think what I miss the most is the moody, foggy weather that those two places can bring. Especially during the fall. Living in southern Spain for three and a half years, and then southern California for the past four, brought me plenty of sun and palm trees, dry heat and 70 degree winters. But sometimes I just want to be surrounded by some moody weather. By trees transitioning into the colder weather. A layer of low-hanging clouds that make you shiver and leave your skin damp.

East coast fog, I miss you.

personal work // blended portraits

New year, new blog post! 2016 feels so weird to type, like we're living in the future. I'm not ready for it. But on the plus side, I was inspired to give the 'ole blog a makeover, so I did. New theme layout, more minimal, and it just feels more like me. And today, I want to take a break from the momming/twin posts, and share some portrait work I did back in 2014.

I wanted to do something interesting with some of the portraits in my archives, and I was partly inspired by my ego sum series, where I merged bits of nature to my own self-portraits. I created some of these images on my iPhone using the Image Blender app, and I created others in Photoshop.

The original portrait of Mio was from a fashion shoot collaboration back in 2014 (which I just realized I never blogged about! Must. Remedy.), and the rain on glass image was something I shot at home.

I merged a photo of foggy woods from a trip to the east coast with a portrait of Kristina that I took in Yosemite. Sometimes I have to experiment with blending different background images until I find a combination that just feels right and looks right.

I love this one so much. I shot this portrait of Kaila in my studio, and months later, I snapped the background image with my phone at a car wash from inside my car. Instead of soapy bubbles, I saw something that reminded me of the cosmos, something otherworldly. In Photoshop, I added the light effects around Kaila's face.

I shot a beautiful series of nudes of my dear friend Debbie, and decided to merge one of them with a simple iPhone shot of a succulent plant. You can see the original image of Debbie here.

Another portrait of Mio merged with tree and sky from my backyard.

I decided to play around with an older self-portrait from 2012 and blend it with a coastline image from Big Sur. I did this one in the Blender Image app, so the image quality isn't great, but I still quite like it.

And now I'm inspired again to create more of these this year :)