personal & family goals for 2016

Most people make a bunch of new year resolutions during the first month of the year, but I'm gonna be the weird one and wait until nearly the end of February to think about what I want to achieve this year. Last year was nuts in the best way possible. It was the year of starting a round of IVF for the first time, and successfully getting pregnant with not one, but  TWO babies. It was the year of being pregnant for most of the year, which, I'm not gonna lie, was pretty miserable physically. It was the year that my boy/girl twin babes were born two weeks early, and my life changed forever.

Now that my babies are nearly five months old, I feel that my husband and I are finally getting in the swing of this new family life. We have routines that work for us, and we're staying relatively sane. We still go out with friends occasionally, and we allow each other to have our respective and much-needed "me time." It's great, but I don't want it to end there. There's still so much I want to do and try as a family of four. And personal goals too.

1// Go on at least one roadtrip/weekend getaway with the twins. Even if it's just to Palm Springs for two nights, I really want to try. Before the babies, Vince and I took so many great little getaways, not just here in California, but in Europe too, where we lived before. We both love traveling so much, and I don't want that to end just because we have two little ones. Sure, they're not going to remember if we take them to Cabazon or Yosemite, but it will still be FUN. And years later, they can look at the photos and know that we didn't keep them cooped up inside ALL the time :)

2// Meet and socialize with more moms of twins. This is gonna be hard for me. I'm an introvert by nature, so it's not always easy for me to meet/make new friends. And even though I have some amazing friends here, I don't have very many mom friends, let alone mom-of-twins friends. So I want to work on that. I've joined a Mom of Multiples meetup group on Meetup.com, but I've yet to attend a playdate/meeting. It was easy to put off in the beginning, when the twins were just born and I was in the trenches of just trying to survive, but now I feel like it's time to muster my courage and just go to a meetup. I also know there's a San Diego Twins Club that I can join and use as a support system/socialization tool, so I need to take advantage of that too.

3// Start reading again. Books, I miss you. That was one of the few great things about being pregnant...I had time to read A LOT of books. Now, not so much. Must. Remedy. Even if it's just ten minutes a day while the babes are napping.

4// Start some easy photography projects. So at the beginning of the year, I was all, "Hey! I'm gonna do a film photography project where I take one photo a day for the entire year on my dad's old camera!" Yeah, that lasted about two weeks. Obviously, I need a photo project that's a bit more do-able and less pressure. Or even just continuing my blended portraits series. That would make me happy.

5// Learn a new craft, like tapestry weaving. I actually wanted to start trying this last year while I was pregnant, but I just never got started. Lately, I've been really drawn to woven wall hangings like this one and this one, and I'd love to try making my own, either through a macrame workshop here in San Diego, or just buying a simple starter kit.

life lately...

1// Getting some brunch time with girlfriends at yummy places like Great Maple.

2// Taking advantage of some gorgeous weather and checking out the Botanical Gardens at Balboa Park with the babes. East coast, I miss you, but you just can't beat 70 degree weather in February.

3// Celebrating my friend Raina's first art show with her rad botanical watercolor paintings and handmade ceramic planters at Te Mana Cafe.

4// I thoroughly enjoyed this book.

5// Checking out the Downtown at Sundown event at the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego with a good friend.

6// Getting out of the house at least once a week sans babies has been my sanity. It's funny how "normal" I feel just by putting on real pants and walking around Target for an hour. It's the little things :)

fox & wren // four months

Both twins are napping at the same time right now (usually it's like a game of whack-a-mole around here), so I'm gonna take advantage and blog their four month photos from a few weeks ago. Four months! The babes are getting more fun and interactive every day. They're both babbling and cooing like crazy, and sometimes I wonder how I get anything else done in the house, because talking and playing with my babies is such a fun part of my day that I lose track of time sometimes. The mornings are the best. Right after they're both fed, they're in the best moods they'll be in all day, so I'll plop them on the playmat and watch them reaching and grabbing for their hanging toys. I'll talk to them, and they babble and smile right back, and it's all ridiculously cute, and I immediately forget how tired I am.

Hazel is a lot more observant these days. She loves to watch her brother while he bats at all the things, and she's getting much better at grabbing toys. She's definitely the more laid back twin. The laid back twin who loves to wear pineapple shorts.

Food is still his favorite thing. In fact, in this photo, he's counting down the days until he can eat a real donut. Annnnnd, just a few days ago, he rolled over for the first time, and he hasn't stopped since! I knew it would be coming soon, but I still wasn't ready. Milestones, man. They're crazy.

fox & wren // three months

The babes turned three months old at the beginning of the month, and holy cherries on a stick, weren't they just in my body a few months ago kicking my ribs and making me waddle?? The transition from newborn-who-sleeps-all-day to writhing-cooing-loinfruit is so fun to watch and experience. Their individual personalities are really coming out, and they're waay more interested in their surroundings. Like the ceiling fan. They're obsessed with the ceiling fan.

Vincent is still my impressive little eater. You'd think we were starving him though, by the sounds of his tortured cries when he's hungry. This man does NOT like waiting for his bottle to be made. He wants his food, and he wants it NOW. But he's starting to smile more, which makes my whole day better. And he's reaching out and trying to grab things, which makes it fun to pretend he's a tiny drunk man who can't grip a toy that's two inches in front of his face.

Hazel is a morning person. She starts cooing and smiling as soon as I un-swaddle her in the mornings, and it's freaking adorable. She's not really trying to grab things yet, but she'll stare down a toy something fierce, studying it, plotting things in her three month old brain. My little observer.

They've just barely started noticing each other too, which is awesome. Not interacting yet, cause that's way too early, but definitely noticing. For instance, I'll have Hazel on my lap and playing with her, while my husband has Vince on his lap, and he'll just look over and study her intently,  as if to say, "Who's that small squirming thing? She looks like someone I used to kick occasionally back when I lived in that warm bag of water. Hope she's cool."

bits of california on 35mm

I shot these on a trip to Salvation Mountain and Palm Springs a few years ago. Expired film in my Minolta x-370. I don't shoot with film much lately, but I'm trying to remedy that. I've been shooting with my dad's Canon A-1 for a new photo project this year. It's supposed to be a daily photo thing, but these twin babes are keeping me busy to the point where I've been forgetting here and there. But even if I can do a couple photos a week, that's fine by me. I have so many rolls of new and expired film laying around the house, so I want to put them to good use this year :)

dear vincent

Dear Vincent,

It's amazing that the first photo I have of you is a microscopic image of an embryo. A clump of five cells that kept growing, and growing. And when you were born 40 seconds after Hazel, you were all spindly arms and legs. I was scared and anxious when you had to stay in the NICU longer than your sister, and on the day we brought you home, I was relieved, but terrified. Could I really do this?

My baby boy. You look so much like your daddy. He thinks you might end up with red hair, which runs in his family. I'm not so sure, but you are perfect in every way.

You're so curious, so strong. You started lifting your head when it seemed way too early for you to do so, and you eat with an eagerness that I know all too well from living with your dad. I know the ticklish spots on your chest, and I know your different cries.

I love watching you play on the floor mat. I love it when you recognize my face and smile. I don't love that you've quickly outgrown your newborn and three month-sized clothing, but that's okay. You're sprouting before my very eyes, and I'm trying to relish it all while I can.

I can't wait to see the person you'll become. I hope that I can show you how to be brave, be honest, and to crave adventure.

You are my adventure. I will always love you.

dear hazel

Dear Hazel,

 When the doctors pulled you out of my body, you cried louder than I expected, and I wept. You weighed four pounds and 10 ounces. That number sounded impossibly small. You spent only two days in the NICU, my strong little girl. You were ready to come home, ready for the world.

We kept you bundled and swaddled nearly all the time, afraid you would get too cold. You slept and you ate, and we held you and rocked you, hoping we were doing things right, simultaneously scared and thrilled that we were finally parents. Your parents.

I love that I can see bits of your grandparents in your face. I love your tiny feet. I love how you always stretch your arms above your head when you wake up.

You have your dad completely smitten for you. He called you his Hazel-bug the first day we brought you home, and he hasn't stopped since. He plays guitar for you, and he wants to read everything to you, from Calvin & Hobbes to Lord of the Rings.

I love watching you grow. The first time I got you to smile at me, I melted. I can't wait to witness your first wobbly steps, and the faces you're bound to make when you try new foods.

You won't stay little forever, and that's okay. You will grow into a beautiful human being with your own hopes and dreams. But I will always be your mother.

I will always love you.