personal work // 36

Today, I am 36.

While my mother was visiting last month, we had a really great conversation about aging and what it feels like getting older. We laughed, but also lamented on how tragic it feels that our bodies seem to age quicker than our minds. That the sharpness and vitality of our brains doesn't match up to the never-ending gray hairs, the age spots that have creeped over our skin, and our slowly diminishing energy.

We revealed to each other the "true age" we feel inside, despite the number of years we've been on this earth. My magic number is 28. My mind feels 28, and my body generally feels 28 until I look really closely.

I know I'm still relatively young. I hope I'm still saying that when I'm 70 years old, and my mind feels 55.

I'm on Ello!

Are any of you fellow creatives on Ello? I joined last week on a whim, and I'm really liking it so far. The minimal, clean format makes my brain happy, and it's easy to discover new art, whether you like photography, gifs, illustration, etc. I also love that it lets you indicate which of your works are for sale, and allows you to link directly to it.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with how many different social media platforms I use to share my work (flickr, instagram, tumblr, facebook), so it seems counter-intuitive to join yet another one. But I've found I use each one a little bit differently. I've been on flickr the longest, so it has all of my old work from 2007 on, plus a lot of my travel photography and scanned film photos. I use instagram to share more of my day-to-day life, especially life as a mother with twins. Tumblr is sort of like my online scrapbook of art I love plus my own work. And my facebook page is sort of a mish-mash of all that. And now I officially feel like a crazy person for sharing in so many ways, but for now, it works, and it makes me happy.

I think I'll use Ello for sharing just my best, personal, recent-ish work. You can check out my profile here!

the babes are one!

Things just got really real: I don't have babies anymore. My twins are one year old, and it's been the hardest/best/eye-opening/longest/shortest year ever. It feels strange to call them toddlers, but I guess that's what they are now? They're both walking about 60% of the time, eating just about everything I offer them, and just all around happy, babbly babies. I feel so damn lucky, I could burst.

As usual when I plan parties, I got super excited with decoration ideas, but I figure you have to go big for the first birthday, right? Yes, they're too little to remember this, but that's what photos are for! So they can one day look back and see how much Pinterest influenced their mom's party ideas, ha. (I have a love/hate thing with Pinterest, but I'll save that for another day.)

Not pictured: the Korean-style tacos we served up later during the party. (beef bulgogi and spicy pork belly. yum!) My mom made the kimbap rolls and japchae noodles that are on the table. I also wanted to serve Soju-inspired cocktails, so I set it up where the guests could make their own Soju-mojitos or Korean Mules. In my book, alcohol at a kids' party is fully acceptable when you're celebrating the fact that you survived the first 12 months with twins :)

If you know me at all, you know that I love a good photo booth set up. My friends and family definitely put it to good use!

We surprised the babes with a ball pit during the party! They were a bit unsure of it at first, but soon warmed up. Plus I need an adult-sized version immediately, please.

Tiny and not-so-tiny guests :)

My Korean heritage is important to me, so I wanted to incorporate the first birthday tradition of the doljabi. It's a fun game that's supposed to help predict the child's future. Various items are laid out, and whichever item the baby chooses represents their future profession. I handed out raffle tickets so our friends could guess what Hazel and Vincent would choose.

But first, we had to get the twins dressed in traditional Korean hanboks, and according to this photo, it takes approximately four people to dress a wriggly child into a multi-layered garment. Hazel wore the same hanbok that I wore on my first birthday, and it's giving me the feels all over again as I type this.

We had four items laid out: a medallion (government/politics), a brush (artist), bow and arrow (warrior/athlete), and scroll books (writer/scholar). Hazel made a beeline for the artist brush, which of course made my heart so happy!

When it was Vincent's turn, he went straight for the scroll books. The cutest future writer ever.

Oh man, the babes' birthday cake time was hilarious, but a bit overwhelming for them. The sparkler candles freaked Vincent out a bit, so he was crying and eating at the same time (we've all been there.) Hazel didn't seem impressed with the whole frosting business, not to mention they were both kind of tired by this point in the day. A birthday well spent.

Happy first birthday to my favorite little nuggets!

Party decoration sources:
Gold 'one' balloon, confetti, streamers, and small balloons // Oh Happy Day
Polka dot backdrop, cups, plates, straws, and napkins // Target
Tassel garland, cake topper, confetti balloons, and 'yay' balloon // OhShinyPaperCo  
Vincen't hanbok and Doljabi items rental // EventAccessoriesbyMJ 
High chair pom-poms // DIY from a friend
Confetti cake // Twiggs Bakery

music // let's booty barre

I've been taking barre classes for the past six months, and I've never been this addicted to working out before. I've taken yoga in the past, and salsa aerobics, but never with the same consistency and excitement that barre has given me. Plus, hearing those old familiar ballet terms (I practiced ballet for several years growing up) like relevé and plié gives me the nostalgic happy feels. I like that my barre instructors also incorporate pilates, yoga, and cardio into the workouts. So we're not just toning our legs and booty; we're giving our core and arms a workout too.

Also, it's been making my butt look realllly good :)

I wanted to put together a little playlist of some of the jams I listen to while I'm driving to class, to get myself stoked. Enjoy with a round of squats.

1. Girl Talk // Bounce That

2. Jay Z // F*ckwithmeyouknowigotit

3. Fannypack // Hey Mami

4. Touch Face // Kick, Push N' Stuff (Lupe Fiasco vs Deadmau5)

5. Kstylis // Booty Me Down

6. ComaR // Give Heat Up (Twista & Pharrell vs Phoenix)

7. Missy Elliott // WTF (Where They From)

8. Theophilus London // Big Spender Ft. ASAP

9. Junglepussy // Bling Bling

10. D.veloped // Bring Em Home (Edward Sharpe vs T.I.)

I'm not sure what to call this post...

I haven't been sure of what to write about lately. I thought about writing something funny like, "Things Strangers Have Said To Me When They See My Twins" or something practical like "Five Baby Products I Didn't Really Need" but it seems like those kind of posts are all over the internet already, and does the world really need another one? I don't know.

Or maybe something deeper and more honest, like "My Husband Has Been Working Really Long Hours Lately And I Never See Him And I'm Eyeball-Deep In Babies." Which is actually true. I'm so very tired. Not tired in the sense that I'm getting no sleep, because I actually am (they still sleep through the night which is amazing and a blessing and I need to knock on some wood  now), but tired from just being needed by two squishy 10 month olds all day long, for multiple days in a row. I'm not complaining about this, I'm just writing about what my life is like right now.

I hate the term "stay-at-home mom" because it doesn't feel accurate. It's more like "work-at-home mom." Because that's what I do, and I'm proud of it. Taking care of children at any age is WORK. Caring for twins by myself while keeping my home at an acceptable level of cleanliness is WORK. Letting my home get dirty while attending to my twins is still WORK. And sometimes ignoring my twins so I can clean my house is also WORK. And in between all that, I try to carve out some time for myself, and spend quality time with my husband, and call my parents on a regular basis, and hang out with friends to talk about everything BUT babies.

My life is full, but I love how full and (sometimes) chaotic it is. Over these months, I've surprised myself by how much I can handle and how my confidence has grown. I remember a time when the thought of going out with my babies in public by myself terrified me, but I've proven to myself that I can do that, and so much more. Like most things, it becomes less and less scary the more often you do them. Not to mention routines and being organized is half the battle when it comes to twins. The diaper bag is always ready, and the babies eat and sleep at the same times. My OCD tendencies have really come in handy for motherhood.

When a stranger says to me, "Must be a handful!" upon learning I have twins, I never know quite how to respond. Since these are my first babies, I don't know any other way. This is just my normal. I have two babies, but I also have two hands; what could be more natural? My husband and I joke that if we had just one baby, we'd have so much free time! The things we could do! But I know everything is relative. I wouldn't change a thing.

The next few weeks will continue to test my stamina while my husband puts in more time at work. But the plus side to all of it: more twin cuddles, more twin laughter, more opportunities to take them out to the park, or a store, or walks around the neighborhood. More time getting to be their mom. More time to love them so hard, and so fiercely.

A little video I made the other day using my fancy camera :)

weekend getaway // the sycamore house

It was time, ya'll. The mister and I hadn't been out of San Diego since last summer for our babymoon. We've been elbow-deep in babies and work for what seems like forever. We needed to get out of dodge desperately, even for only a few days. We needed to treat ourselves, and our babies. And we wanted to share it with a few friends at the most beautiful house (in my humble opinion) in Palm Springs, the Sycamore House.

This was my first time staying at an AirBnB, and the bar has been set you guys. The entire process of booking this place was super easy, and the owners were happy to provide a portable crib and highchair (we still had to bring one of each on our own, but still. Saved lots of space in the car). The home is gorgeous, and I feel like my photos don't give it justice. This place is the epitome of that casual Palm Springs vibe mixed with minimal mid-century/boho feel. 

This was my babies' first time staying away from home, and like many first-time moms, all my initial worries were for nothing. Would they be able to sleep in their pack n plays? Yep. Would they fuss too much being in a strange place? Nope. Would I be able to keep their normal feeding/napping schedule? Yep. The babes were champions. All the new sights, smells, pool time, not to mention four doting friends who were happy to play with and amuse the babies, thoroughly filled up their days, and they slept like champs through the night. Plus it really helped that we brought our babygates to set up a play yard area, with thick blankets laid down, because the pebble-rock flooring wasn't super baby-friendly. But we made it work. I also quickly realized it was pointless to bring baby clothes, because they were happy to just rock out in their diapers when they weren't in the pool. 

This trip also made me realize how much I miss bringing my camera wherever I go to just document through photography. I need to make a point of doing that more, because it's one of the main reasons I started this blog in the first place. To share my travels, my thoughts, little gems around town that I never want to forget. These aren't just memories for my husband and I anymore. They're memories for my children too.

The love affair with Palm Springs continues. So happy I got to spend it with family and friends :)