motherhood lately

My twin babes are nearly 18 months old, and I know I keep saying this at every new stage, but this is seriously the best age! They're full-on toddlers, even though I still call them my babies, and most likely will even when they have children of their own and I'm arthritic with a cane.

Every day, Hazel and Vincent are learning and discovering and taking joy in the tiniest things, and it's such a damn joy to watch. Vincent will bring me books to read to him, and he'll babble his thoughts with every turn of the page. He loves to stack his building blocks, and even claps when he's particularly proud of his technique. Hazel is the first to explore every last inch of her surroundings, including every blade of grass and all the sticks within reach. She reminds me that even in my humble backyard, there's so many different things to touch and discover.

They both love to watch Sesame Street, particularly Elmo and the Cookie Monster. They light up whenever we Facetime with my parents and in-laws. They want to be friends with the resident cat so bad, despite her obvious disdain of these tiny humans I brought into the house. They bop along in their highchairs to music that I play everyday during lunch time, and Hazel apparently is a Talking Heads fan. They'll happily eat kimchi and seaweed and fried rice, but if I had a nickel for every time Vincent willingly ate plain grilled chicken, I'd have like 15 cents (thanks Korean genes!).

I feel like so many internet articles claim that anyone who admits to enjoy parenting is a liar, or that if you're not completely miserable during the first year of your child's life, you're not human. Yes, YES, the first year was hard for me, particularly the first 4-6 months. I was in survival mode, and I dealt with post-partum depression, and just everything times two. But I feel it's just as important to share the joyous/holy-shit-my-kids-are-awesome stories, because it's honest and real. My babes never had any "sleep regressions." They sleep 12 hours a night. They love car rides and being in their stroller and just being anywhere new. They're generally happy babies, and I hate that I feel guilty admitting that, as if that's something "you don't do" in the mom community. I've been watching the new season of Girls on HBO, and there was a line from a recent episode where a woman was telling Hannah about what it was like having a kid, and she said, "Kids are easy. It's being an adult that's hard." And that was so refreshing to hear, even in just a fictional TV show.

My kids aren't even two years old yet, and I still feel like I'm supposed to wait for the ball to drop. For shit to get REAL AWFUL. "Terrible Two's" and "Threen-ager." Meanwhile, I'm just excited for when I can have a two-way conversation with my kids, and they can say the actual sentence, "Mama, I'm tired." Sure, they might morph into little assholes sometimes, but isn't that true of every stage of human life? I definitely remember calling my twins assholes in the early months of life, when they projectile-shat onto the walls and carpet of their nursery, or when, at 8 months old, they tossed perfectly good spaghetti onto the floor from their highchair without even trying it. They still have their asshole moments right now, like when Vincent has a tantrum because I won't turn on the vacuum cleaner (he's obsessed with watching me clean), or when I'm trying to change Hazel's diaper but she hates having her vagina clean for some reason (she does this jerky yoga bridge move, and I'm just like WHY? YOU WANT A CLEAN VAGINA OK JUST TRUST ME ON THIS).

I love being their mom. I love watching them grow. I hate that I cry at everything - commercials, Disney songs, Youtube clips. The other day, the babes were listening to a playlist of Disney songs on the Kindle, and when "You Got A Friend In Me" from Toy Story started playing, it reminded me that in the third Toy Story movie, the kid is grown up and about to leave for college, which reminded me that one day my kids are gonna leave the nest some day, and I proceeded to get weepy and hug my kids extra hard. Every time Vincent and Hazel hug me, I think, "SOAK. THIS. UP. ONE DAY THEY'LL BE EMBARRASSED TO HUG YOU."

So yeah. This is my life right now when it comes to my kids. I love them, and I constantly want to brag on them, and yes, I'm still tired, cause kids are tiring, but they're keeping me young, and active, and they make me see the world through fresh eyes. I feel so lucky to be their mom. And so I shall leave you with a recent video from earlier today. Just two silly kids doing their own thing in their backyard, which usually involves eating my plants and trying to touch things.