fox & wren's nursery

Even before I got pregnant, even before I started trying to get pregnant, I knew a few things about this room. I knew I wanted it to feel like an extension of my home, and not just "the baby room with a bunch of baby stuff in it." I knew I wanted it to be gender-neutral in color, and I wanted to fill it with things that my husband and I love that our babies will (hopefully) one day love too. I love being in this room. Even when I'm attempting to soothe a fussy baby at three in the morning (sometimes both at once) in a twin mom fog of sleep deprivation, this room reminds me how far I've come and how lucky I am to have not just one perfect healthy baby, but two.

Hazel's crib is on the left, and Vincent's is on the right. I feel grateful that the twins have been sleeping in their cribs every night since day one. The master bedroom just isn't big enough for a double bassinet thing, and co-sleeping with twins is pretty much not a good idea. But they sleep in their cribs like a champ (when they're not grumpy or doing ninja moves to break free of their swaddles).

I couldn't let that awesome banner from my baby shower go to waste, so it has a new home in their room! The framed print of Dracula and Lizard Guy playing with the Wolf Man used to be in my living room, but now it gets to hang out with the twins' little book collection.

Books, cameras, and hockey sticks. This is what you call "parents not-so-subtly exposing their children to their own hobbies and hoping they pick it up at some point." Only time will tell.

Real talk: The surface of this dresser doesn't actually look this uncluttered on a day to day basis. What you don't see are the diaper wipes, the diaper rash cream, the sound machine/nightlight, and various burp cloths and/or washcloths. Babies, man. They need so much stuff.

I'm actually quite proud of myself for not caving in and buying every single adorable pair of baby shoes I saw while I was pregnant, cause man, there are a LOT. These are the only ones I bought, and yes, we all know newborns don't technically need size 0 shoes, but they're freaking cute and they belong on my children's feet, and you can't stop me.

It's taken me nearly half a day to write and edit this post, but I consider that a win. #TwinMomProblems

:)

way overdue update // my twin babes are here!

Oh man. Was my last blog post really on the baby shower?? Has it been that long? Yes, yes it has. I am alive and well, and so are my twin babies. I am a mom, and they are my children, and it still feels surreal sometimes.

So much has happened since that last post. Shortly after that baby shower, my husband and I found out we had to move out of our rental due to the landlord selling. Like ASAP. At nearly 30 weeks pregnant. With the nursery already painted and baby furniture nearly put together. I promptly entered a state of Third-Trimester-Pregnant-With-Twins-DEFCON-5-Panic-Mode. But we survived. We quickly found a new place to live, and my dear, dear husband got us moved in while doing most of the physical labor (I could barely walk more than five minutes in my hugely pregnant state, which made me feel even more terrible and stressed about the move). He even painted the twins' room in the new place. He is a saint. Lots of friends also helped with the packing and moving. They are also saints.

The resident cat and her version of "helping to pack."

Even after moving in our new place, I was kind of a wreck. That nesting instinct you read about in all the pregnancy books? It is real, and for me, it was amplified by the fact that we had an entire house to unpack and set up. I drove my husband crazy with wanting every picture hung up, every book put away, and I washed every piece of baby clothing I had. All while I was having more and more trouble being mobile. Both my legs were painfully swollen. I felt like my back was trying to kill me. I was still having to sleep sitting up, which is pretty much the best way to get the shittiest sleep of your life.

But we did it. Short of having a hospital bag packed, we were mostly ready. The plan was to make it to 37 weeks, which is considered full term for twin pregnancies. We even made a tentative induction date for 37 weeks 2 days, assuming I didn't go into labor on my own. I remember thinking it was kinda cool that we were getting to essentially pick our kids' birthday.

Here's the last photo of my pregnant state before my life changed forever. My husband and I were going to a friend's housewarming party, and since I was dressed and showered and out in public with a giant watermelon under my dress (I barely went out those last few weeks), I made him take this photo to document it.

These Target sandals were the only shoes I could wear for the last two months. Huzzah elephant feet!

I won't go into a detailed birth story now (although I may in a future post), but long story short: At 35 weeks and two days, I went in for a routine OB appointment which turned into me being induced just hours later due to signs of preeclampsia. Since Baby A was still head down and not breech, the plan was to deliver both babies vaginally. More hours later, it was decided I needed to deliver them by C-section due to excessive vaginal bleeding. When it comes to twin pregnancies, things are even more high risk, so preeclampsia + bleeding = we need to get those babies out sooner rather than later. My doctor and nurses were wonderful. And I really, really love epidurals.

And then my babies came into this world on October 2nd, 2015, at 4:00 and 4:01 a.m. respectively. Hazel Wren was 4 pounds 10 ounces and 18.5 inches long, and Vincent Fox was 5 pounds, 1.5 ounces and 20 inches long. Here's our first family photo!

I was soo loopy on pain meds, but I love this photo. Look how tiny they were!

Hazel was in the NICU for two days, and Vincent was there for nine days. He had a few apnea events that necessitated  him staying longer, and even though nine days is nothing compared to what a lot of other NICU babies have to go through, it was still really hard to be discharged from the hospital with just one baby. But we visited him every day, and then finally brought him home. Then things got really real.

Holy crap holy crap we're responsible for two humans!

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when they were four weeks old, and I took the first of what will be a monthly photo series. These babies are seriously growing and changing every single day, and thank god for smartphones, because my husband and I are constantly snapping photos and videos of these two munchkins. Like Hazel's scarily accurate Robert DeNiro impression, or Vincent trying to latch onto his dad's chest looking for boob food.

So yep. Lots more to share and tell, but I'll save that for another post. Right now, we're happy but tired. So very tired. I'll end with this quote I recently found: 

"Every night before I get my one hour of sleep, I have the same thought: 'Well that's a wrap on another day of acting like I know what I'm doing.' I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not. Most of the time, I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. I call these times being awake."

- Jim Gaffigan

the adventure begins // we got baby showered!

Last weekend, a bunch of our friends gathered with the mister and I for a coed baby shower that was SO. MUCH. FUN! Three of my close girlfriends joined forces to plan, prep, host, and craft their little hearts out, and it was everything a pregnant woman carrying two babies could hope for. Seriously, I need to brag on the women who pulled it all together, because they are rock stars who should start a party-planning business immediately.

As soon as my husband and I walked in, my eyes bugged out, my jaw dropped, and I immediately started to take some photos, because I knew once more people started showing up, I would get caught up in the fun and forget my camera was even there. Which totally happened, and which is the reason why there aren't any group photos of all the lovely people that were there. Boo. Okay, less talk, more pictures!

As thank you party favors to the ladies, I wanted to give these mini succulents (Raina helped me spray paint the containers they came in). I also attached fun temporary Tattly tattoos to each plant. For the guys' party favors, we gave them each a cigar.

The dreamcatchers were made at a fun dreamcatcher workshop earlier this year at a local Rais Case shop. The one on the left is Raina's, and I made the one on the right.

The baby-guessing game of all the guests was probably the most fun baby shower game I've ever played. I wish I had a better, non-blurry photo of everyone's cute baby portrait, but in my excitable pregnant state, this is what I got.

The tiniest guest was also the cutest guest :)

So I mentioned this was a coed shower, but the reason you won't see any dudes in these photos is because they were all off celebrating with the mister on a nearby bar scavenger hunt. I think they were supposed to make mini stops at 5 or 6 places, but apparently there was so much fun-having, they only made it to the first three. But here's a quickie instagram courtesy of my friend Matty. Men doing manly baby shower things.

The guys were supposed to be back to join us ladies in time for the gift-opening, but group of guys + bars = uber losing track of time. Totally fine. They were having a blast.

This amazing sewn-fabric-as-wrapping-paper made by Annalynn (whose Specimen fashion designs I shot a few years ago) was almost too pretty to mess with!

I'm not sure who took the photos of me opening presents, but thank you, whoever you are! It was a nice surprise when I looked through the images on my camera later :)

I've got about ten more weeks until these twin babes are due, but they're already off to a great start! Vince and I are so lucky to have wonderful family and friends. We couldn't ask for more.

things I've enjoyed recently

1// A quickie Palm Springs getaway from a couple weeks ago, as evidenced above. This was basically a babymoon for my husband and I, a sort of last-hurrah-before-infants-take-over-our-lives. It was wonderful, and I swam in that pool every single day. 

2// This article that tests your Donald Trump vs Frank Reynolds quotes knowledge.

3// How George Washington got his hair to look like that. (Bonus: The Abe Lincoln portrait to trump all Abe Lincoln portraits)

4// Sometimes it's okay not to be so damn happy all the time.

5// Squee-ing over non-pink-or-blue baby clothes like this and this. (and panther pants!)

6// This wonderful article that takes a peek into life and parenting while living in Seoul, South Korea. (I was born and lived there briefly as a baby, and am dying to go back and visit properly as an adult)

7// The Revenant trailer has me so excited!! Can't wait to read the book as well.

ch-ch-ch-changes...

The resident cat makes several appearances. She likes to sleep and eat a lot.

So I've been taking a (nearly) weekly bump photo since week 6 of my twin pregnancy, but this is the first time I've seen them all laid out in a grid like this to see how my body has progressed so far. It's pretty wild to look at. I remember around week 11 or 12, after taking that photo, I was all, "Oooh, I'm getting a bump!" Ha. HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Oh, you 12-week-pregnant Self, you silly foolish woman. You had no idea. Life was simple then. Now I'm living in Bump City, and that city keeps expanding.

A friend of mine who cuts my hair is also pregnant, but with one baby. I went to see her yesterday to get a bang trim (my hair has never been so thick and lustrous, by the way. It's wonderful. Thanks pregnancy!), and even though she's about 37 weeks along, our bellies are pretty much the same size. It was nice to swap symptoms stories and chat about prenatal massage and whether we've picked names yet. My childless friends are amazing, and I love them, but it's hard to bond with them over night leg cramp tales and maternity belts.

Speaking of belts, I'm wearing one now. A maternity support belt, which is as un-sexy as it sounds, but so very much needed. I started wearing it a couple weeks ago, when the lower back and pelvic joint pain was getting too intense. Plus it also kind of helps lift and support my belly area, which is nice. Because without it, my entire abdominal area constantly feels like it's just going to fall off my body and roll across the floor.

My husband is a saint. He's dealing with my emotional highs and lows like a champ. When I ask him how he can even deal with me sometimes, he reminds me that everything I'm feeling is perfectly normal. That I've got twice the pregnancy hormones running through me, and that everything is okay. He helps me shave my legs. He zips up my sandals for me. He assures me that my vagina is still there, even though I haven't seen it in six weeks. He's even going to paint the nursery today! He truly is too good for me.

I'll end this post by showing what's going on inside Bump City as of now.

I snagged this from here, and technically it's showing 24 week twins, but since I'm nearly a week from that date, I think it's okay. They're nearly a pound each, and 11 inches long. And like this picture shows, my twins are both head-down (according to my last ultrasound a few weeks ago), they each have their own placenta, and their own chorionic sac. So the only thing they're sharing is space. They look pretty cozy now, but they're going to be squabbling over who gets more room pretty soon. Or maybe they'll be totally chill and have a hug-fest for the rest of my pregnancy? No? Okay then. In the meantime, I'm thoroughly enjoying feeling their little kicks and jabs get stronger. These babes are definitely squirmy :)

6:30 am thoughts

I'm writing this at 6:30 in the morning, because I had a horrible night's sleep, and I woke up in physical and emotional pain. I had an awful dream that I thought I was losing part or all of my babies. Something felt wrong. Something was trying to come out of my body much, much too early.

I haven't been sleeping well for the past several days. Even with my enormous 'pregnancy pillow,' this massive U-shaped thing that was so helpful when I first got it, doesn't seem to help with all these new aches that I'm waking up with. It feels like a burden. This morning I wanted to stab it violently.

Up until now, I've had the normal pains and uncomfortable-ness that comes along with pregnancy, and I've dealt with it pretty okay, and then the posterior pelvic pain (aka pelvic girdle pain) came along as if to say, "Since you've had a fairly easy pregnancy so far, let's show you how much it can fucking suck." And it did. And walking from the living room to my bedroom felt like it took an hour, with every painful step. I popped Tylenol all day yesterday for it, which only helped so much. And then I felt guilty for taking medication, even though I know rationally that Tylenol is safe to use during pregnancy. Some twisted part of my brain feels that I deserve to feel every sharp stabbing pain, every cramp, every inconvenience, because I wanted this. I wanted this pregnancy so badly, did everything I could to achieve it. 

As I write this, our guest room that will become the nursery has yet to be cleared. Still unpainted. The only piece of furniture we bought so far is the rocker. I feel so horribly behind. We need to have a yard sale. I feel like the entire house is filthy and needs a professional cleaning. I feel like we're losing time. The only upside so far is that I've become obsessed with throwing out all the boxes and paper trash we've accumulated over the past four years. Why am I hoarding all this tissue paper? Do I really need 23 gift bags? It's a slow start, but it's a start.

 My husband has been my rock through all of this. So supportive, so willing to do anything to make me feel better. But he doesn't always see me when I break down in tears. I try to keep that from him. He has so many of his own fears and uncertainty about impending fatherhood, and we talk about it together. He's being so strong for me, and I'm trying to be strong for him too.

I know this is all temporary. I know this won't last forever. I'm halfway through this pregnancy, and I just need to push through. My babies are so worth every single physical pain. Whenever I feel their tiny bodies kick from the inside, my heart swells and everything becomes more bearable. They are going to keep growing, and they need me to be strong.

I will be strong for them.

photo taken at 19 weeks, © Lisa Kimberly

bits of life // may

1// A few months ago, some of my girlfriends and I decided that we should get together at least once a month and do something crafty/DIY-able. It would be a good way to hang out/catch up/bonding time, and we'd also be able to fiiiinally put our Pinterest DIY posts to use instead of being just pinned and lonely, never to be made. Our first group outing was a Rais Case workshop where we made our own dreamcatchers, and it was super fun. We finally got around to setting up our second craft event, this time at my house, and we decided we'd try this awesome yarn and eucalyptus wall hanging DIY from the fantastic blog Poppytalk (seriously, it's like DIY porn on that blog). It was ridiculously easy to make, and it came out so beautiful and minimal. I might put it in the twins' nursery, or just leave it in my bedroom where it is now. I haven't decided yet.

2// Fun outings with friends! It's crazy to think this will be our last summer sans children, so we're taking advantage as much as we can. Like bonfiring on Mission Bay, something we'd actually never done our whole time in San Diego thus far. And catching a Padres game with 30+ friends in the Picnic Terrace area. I don't even care for baseball that much, but who cares when your ticket includes all-you-can-eat burgers, dogs, snacks, and drinks? Sign me up, said every pregnant lady ever.

3// The mister and I decided during my 16th week that we couldn't wait any longer to find out the sexes of the babies, so we made an appointment at one of those 4D ultrasound clinics for the very next day. I was nervous that my loinfruits wouldn't be in a good position to view their bits, or that we'd have an awful tech who didn't know what she/he was doing (some of their Yelp reviews weren't too comforting), but we couldn't have gotten a better experience. Our ultrasound tech couldn't have been nicer, positive, or more competent. As soon as she looked at each baby's nether regions, she pointed out right away what she saw. The verdict: Baby A is a girl, and Baby B is a boy! So stoked! We bought these onesies the next day at one of our fave shops, Graffiti Beach, and I can't wait to put them on their tiny bodies.

4// This was taken just a few days ago, at 17 weeks 3 days pregnant. Holy mother of belly. In just three short weeks, I went from "She probably eats a lot of tacos" to "There's definitely at least one baby in there." These babes are growing fast. And I'm definitely feeling it. Lots of lower back pain, round ligament pain that keeps my vocabulary quite colorful, and getting a good night's sleep is impossible. The mister likes to affectionately call me "preggersaurus" and I don't even mind, cause it's true. I'm always waddling, shuffling, grunting with certain movements, and I'm hungry every two hours. Sexy stuff, right?