bits of life // november

1 // My 52 weeks project is still going on, and even though I'm a few weeks behind, I can't quite believe it's nearly over. Above is my week 41 photo. Once again, I seem to be forever drawn to merging skin with nature.

2 // Speaking of skin, I was so excited to have some of my recent photos included in the latest issue of Clear Nude Magazine. It's a fantastic quarterly magazine that celebrates the nude form in art, and it looks even more beautiful in print! My cat clearly approves.

 3 // Back in September I went on a little road trip with two other photographers to Yosemite National Park, and it was seriously just what I needed. Fresh air, nature, magical golden hour light, and so much photo-taking. I'll have to do a separate blog post soon on just the portraits alone, and how geeking out with fellow photo nerds makes my heart so happy.

4 // I also went to the east coast recently for some family bonding time, and of course all the fall foliage and foggy mountain mornings were just begging to be photographed. As much as I love living in southern California, I really do miss the more moody weather sometimes (cause it's 90 degrees today in San Diego, and I have so many mixed feelings about that).

:)

personal work // ego sum

ego sum hortus

Unlike my previous projects (my 365, 52 weeks, etc) where I consciously set out to do a series of photos, this one wasn't born that way. This post is a bit difficult to write about; I usually try to keep things light and inspirational here in relation to my photography, but I also want to be open and honest with my readers. Real talk, if you will.

ego sum in flore

Earlier this year, I started taking fertility drugs to help me get pregnant. This was after quite a while of trying the old fashioned way. Months of ovulation tracking and becoming an expert on my cycle. Charting absolutely everything. I hated to admit that I needed help with something that seemed to come so naturally, so easily, for everyone else around me. That in itself was a struggle for me.

ego sum a vase

The mister and I had previously been tested/checked out for any conditions that would explain infertility, but nothing was found. We are both, by all accounts, healthy and should be able to conceive....so why weren't we? The doctors calls it "unexplained infertility" which sounds even worse somehow. All it did was make me feel broken, faulty. 

ego sum viscus et cruor 

I have to admit, all of this was putting me into a mini depression. Outwardly, I appeared fine to my friends and family (at least I think so). I still went out and did things. But social media started to feel toxic to me. I checked facebook less and less to avoid seeing photos of babies and pregnancy announcements. I had no desire to blog either, or to read other blogs that I was following. I even temporarily deleted mine, but thankfully, blogger was able to restore it when I came to my senses. 

ego symbiosis

So I think making these photos was my way of dealing with all the emotions of simultaneously feeling like a failure and trying to stay positive and hopeful. I think I wanted to merge myself with bits of nature and living things, maybe as a way to feel connected to something bigger than myself. In making these images, I think I wanted to celebrate my body as still something worthwhile and beautiful and useful. Still alive and breathing.

ego mulier

It feels really good to write these words out, to share what's been weighing on me. I've been in a much better place now for the past few months. Project Make-A-Baby is still underway, but I'm blogging again, shooting more, and I have some photography collaborations coming up that I'm really excited about. I'm feeling like me again.

ego sum silvis

current inspirations

Heart to Mouth High from bart hess 

1// This creepy/fantastic rubbery take on love (as seen above)

2// This made me laugh.

3// The peculiar and surreal photography of Yung Cheng Lin.

4// I'm not usually a fan of Bon Iver, but their new song for Zach Braff's new film might change my mind.

5// These embroidered landscapes are beautiful.

taming my mammoth

Sometimes you read something so profound, and at exactly the right time, that you wonder if isn't fate. Such a thing happened to me today, when a friend on facebook shared this insightful post: Taming the Mammoth:Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think.

As I read it, my internal voice was shouting, "YES! THIS!" It's something I've been thinking a lot about and struggling with in relation to my photography. And talk about timing; just last night, I uploaded a new image to my flickr, something I've been experimenting with for months, but was too afraid to share publicly. It's a new side to my work that I feel is deeply personal, but my own mammoth was holding me back; telling me it was too risky, and what would my friends and family think?

You can see the full image here on flickr (above is the cropped version, as it's NSFW at the link), and I wrote quite a bit along with the image. I'm still nervous as all hell that I'm actually sharing this, and I know it's something I'll continue to struggle with.

But it's a step for me, and a big one, taking me out of my comfortable little bubble, and into new territory.

a photoshop gif just for funsies

I made this gif of my recent 52 weeks photo's editing process really quickly in Photoshop. Apologies for the weird cropping issues!

No skulls were harmed in the making of this image :)

buy some artwork!

Are your walls looking a little bare? Is it high time you upgraded from the posters you had on your wall in college? Are you sick of buying all your artwork from Ikea?

 Well I'm excited to offer prints of my work for sale! This is something I've been meaning to get around to FOREVER, but I finally found the perfect platform to sell my work through. I'm selling my work through Fine Art America, and their products are of top quality. All prints are produced using professional-grade Epson printers, on acid-free paper and canvases with archival inks to guarantee that your prints last a lifetime without fading or loss of color. There's also tons of other options, such as getting them framed/matted, metal print, acrylic print, etc.

 You can take a look at my store HERE, or alternatively, you can shop directly from my website HERE.

 I don't have a ton of images in my store right now, just some of my portraits and travel images. If there's something you would like to purchase and it's not in the store, please let me know, and I can add it for you!

bits of home // june

1// This is definitely my most covered wall in my house. Some people like a sparse, minimal office, but not this girl. My eyeballs like to look at color, and art, and funny cards, and a flea market mirror from Spain.

2// I pre-ordered Wendy MacNaughton's Meanwhile in San Francisco months ago, and it finally arrived last week. It is delightful and full of illustrations, and you should buy it immediately. The cover even turns into a poster! My short visit to San Francisco last year felt like it lasted only five minutes, so this book reminds me that I need to give the city a proper visit soon.

3// This little guy wasn't doing so hot until I moved him to a shadier spot in my backyard, and then bam! Thrive city. I'm getting better at this keeping-plants-alive game, I promise.

4// I've talked about my small camera hoard before, so nothing new here. But I quite like how they look on the built-in shelves in the office.